I was talking to my mom yesterday and she was talking about wanting a party for her 50th birthday then she was like “wait how old am I turning this year”. To which I do what I always do and think of my age and add 21…”Well I’m turning 26…..OH MY GOSH I’M TURNING 26″
Hi my name is Lundyn and I am turning 26 and freaking out. Where the hell did my life go! I didn’t have a rebel stage! I never dated a bad boy that my parents hated! I didn’t sneak out of the house to go to a party! I’m not making all the 40 somethings jealous at my job because I’m the new hot employee making just as much money as they are fresh out of college with my new, fresh and cool ideas! Clearly I watch too much tv and just thought that the tv show “younger” was real life with that last one.
In all seriousness I’m terrified. I’m scared because as much as you’re not supposed to compare your life to others, I do it! I sit and think about my friends who are married, have houses with their significant others, have jobs and hobbies and have kids and blah blah blah. why? uhhh I’m human and sometimes I slip up and do something that will only make me mentally insane. There is no right way to live your life, there isn’t a book called “Life: How to do it”. There isn’t a rule that says by a certain age if you’re going to do the happy family of 4 thing you have to do it now. There isn’t an age to have your “prince charming” if you’re ever going to have one. There are only fairytales and dumb ass stories that people make up to make it seem like if you’re getting close to 30 and don’t exactly have all your shit together you might want to just buy a cat. I DON’T LIKE CATS! Why is there this unwritten checklist and if you didn’t do all these things by 30 then you haven’t “lived”! Literally I saw an article on buzzfeed that said “Things you should do before 30” and 90% of them were stupid! You know what you should do before turning 30? Live! Celebrate your life the best you can! Make goals and accomplish them. Even if your goal is to just get out of bed before noon on a saturday, do it. The truth is I can’t say that I even know if I want kids or how many or when I even want to give birth to something that I am responsible for and, I never decided I wanted to be married by a certain age or settle down and have my own house by a certain age, I’m not even sure what state I would want all of this to happen in! Is that a crime?
I hate that now that I’m closer to 30 than 20 that all of a sudden I SHOULD have certain things. I don’t have my own house and I’m not fully in my career yet. I’m not engaged nor do I really want to be. You know what I want? An awesome career and the ability to go to Starbucks and not feel bad that I spent $6 on a drink. If we were all in the SAME place in our lives it would honestly be so boring. Some of my friends admire me because I’m an actress and get to film in awesome locations and meet amazing people. I admire them because they have stable jobs that don’t end after a few months and health insurance. But, in all honesty I would never change my life. I chose this. I chose this path and this career and yeah it’s terrifying to be getting older and wanting to work in an industry that is mostly about luck rather than talent but it’s the career that makes me happy. My friends are doing what THEY want ( well some of them..and to those friends reading this who aren’t I say to you LIVE YO LIFE)! And what we don’t think about sometimes is everyone is struggling in different ways. You are always on the outside looking in and things always look different from the outside until you step in and get a taste of the shit they’re actually dealing with and you know the secrets they’re hiding or demons they’re battling. A life may look perfect from an instagram photo but inside it may not be all duck faces and puppy face filters.
To all the terrified 25 year olds out there (or any terrified reader at any age) I say this, let’s be scared together! Let’s think about the stuff we still want to do in life and let’s do it! Your goals may change you may decide that you don’t want the same career anymore and that’s scary but it’s fine. I have a friend who was on track to being a lawyer and now she’s making clothes and REALLY good! Maybe she isn’t exactly where she thought she would be in life but I guarantee you she’s happier than anyone who is sitting in law school wishing they had followed their heart instead. She followed her dreams and you should too. Sometimes I wish I had been good at something else. Sometimes I wish I had another passion that would have led me to a more stable “safe” career. But I am happier than any journalist who is currently writing a bullshit article their asshole boss told them to write while wishing they had followed their heart instead. As long as you’re truly happy the stepping stone everyone else is on doesn’t matter. Listen to your gut. No matter how old you are if you are doing something you’re not passionate about, stop. Just stop and think about what truly makes you happy. Don’t ask other people what you’re good at, think about what truly makes you smile and do that.
Happy Sunday, friends!
I promise I’ll bring back the funny posts about my life (follow my twitter that’s where the funny is)! I think my last few posts have been more on the yay let’s motivate each other track and that isn’t exactly why I started this but, I am in a place in life where I’ve just really been doing so much thinking and searching on my own journey and feel like maybe someone else is having the same thoughts and struggles I am.
Feel free to comment your own thoughts below. Let’s have a discussion!